Today I took a quiz about my relationship with debt. Now I will admit that I don’t really like debt all that much. Most people agree with me. Debt is not Mr. Personality. Still, I assumed that debt and I were in a pretty non-damaging holding pattern. Not so. Apparently I have a bad attitude.
The fact that I have a bad attitude about my job or decaf coffee or the mysterious comeback of the Mullet is no surprise but quite honestly, I had always thought that my problems with Debt were Debt’s fault. You see, he is very much like my ex who we will call James not only because that is his name but because he is such a worthless a-hole that he does not deserve to remain anonymous and if he knows about my blog and reads it, he deserves to know that I think of him as a slimy, soul sucking parasite on the ass of my personal history. You see, James and Debt are both bi-polar. Not in the way that I am bi-polar where I am either very hyper or very lazy and I use the phrase to exaggerate the actual intensity of my mood swings, but in the way where they need medication and have drastically different personalities when they are in a good or bad mood. When they are being personable they seem so wonderful. Debt is still Credit at this point. Credit is Debt’s alureing alter-ego. Credit will woo you with the promise of immediate gratification. Like James, Credit is charming and impresses your friends. He will buy all the drinks, he will get you into nightclubs, and he will take you on a Valentines Day vacation. You will feel happy, valuable, and oh so pretty but things will change.
Yes, one day you will wake up in the ghetto at 3 in the morning to a phone call from James’ lawyer telling you to clean out your bank account to bail him out of jail. One day Debt will start to pack on the interest and proceed to tell you how fat you are. One day these two will ship you off to the middle of the country with nothing and expect you to wait there while they get their shit together. They will be surprised when you tell them you are through with their BS. If you ignore them they will continually pop up and the whole mess will have gotten worse while you had your back turned. The only way to relive yourself of such ailments is to continuously chip away at destroying their power over you. If for one second you think that you could be just friends with them, they attempt to reel you back in and betray you. I think that this is a perfectly acceptable and healthy attitude to have. I think that after all the times I have let Debt get the best of me, the smartest thing to do would be to try and eliminate him all together. But apparently dealing with debt and dealing with the rank and rotting waste of oxygen you dated during high school and college require different tactics. Because moving to an entirely different state to escape Debt is not an option. Because Debt can do good things for you if you know how to coax it out of him. So I am supposed to improve my attitude toward Debt by getting to know him better. By understanding why I need him and what I can do to improve our relationship. Because unlike men, Debt can change. I read it on the internet. It must be true
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5 comments:
This is, possibly, one of the best pieces of writing I have ever seen from you.
And where did you find the quiz on your relationship with debt?
It was on MSN. It did not personify Debt or portray him as a loser ex-boyfreind type but it was still interesting.
Love this post.
I think every woman has experienced this.
Wow, that was so deep and spot-on. Great writing. That really sucks about the part where you move across the country to another state and the debt, unlike the loser soul-sucking a-hole, will follow you. I should know. I tried it twice, and not only is the f*ing debt is still hot on my tail, it is growing like a malignant tumor. *sigh*
T-Town girl, please continue delighting us with your wit.
Please discontinue spelling "later" with two Ts.
Thaynk You,
Asshole English Eleetist
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