I Feel Much Better

Yesterday I played hooky. I called and told my office I was not coming in and then I turned off my phone. It’s not that I did not want to go to work. It’s not that I don’t get enough time off or get to spend enough time with my boyfriend or my family or my friends. In fact, it is just the opposite.
In college I had this dream that I would have more time once I had a regular job. Going to school full time and working 30 hours a week had to take up more time than a 9-5 right? Well not exactly. My “9-5” is actually a “7-4” with a mandatory unpaid lunch HOUR and a ½ hour commute on either side making it a 6:30-4:30. Then there is get ready/wind down time making my day a 6-5. Factor in my dog, which used to get attention and love multiple times a day in between classes or school and work. He extends my “non free time” hours a bit. So now I am busy 12 hours a day, for sure. I also would like to eat dinner, make it to the gym, and catch my favorite TV show once a week. In short, I would love to trade some of that for having a paper due once a week.
In addition to the 12+ hours a day I have things I have to be doing; I also try to sleep more than 6 hours, the key word here being TRY. So on a work day I have somewhere in the vicinity of 5 semi-free hours.
I have found that while I value the relationships I have with my family and friends, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by their demands. Because I am moving right now (which takes up a ton of time if you are a perfectionist like I am) and we had a death in the family recently, the demands on my time lately have become overwhelming. My mother needs me more than ever since her brother died and she had to plan all the services and things. My sister rightfully expects me to contribute to our setting up the new place. My boyfriend feels ignored and put off because I constantly invite him over and either use him for his truck or make him listen to me chatter while I alphabetize CDs or hang Chinese paper lamps. And my friends feel ignored because, well I’m ignoring them. The point is, there is no me time for me right now and I am going crazy.
So I skipped work to make some. It may seem drastic to use precious sick hours before winter is even here but I think it was justified. The day before yesterday I was attempting to move and I kept walking from room to room, meaning to do something in the first room and then remembering what I had forgotten in the last only to return to the previous room and accomplish nothing because I needed to do something else somewhere else. Dazed and confused, I continued to wander purposefully around my new place accomplishing nothing for hours. I felt the same way one does when they are a waitress at a very busy and expensive restuarant with demanding customers when you have one hell of a hangover. Not the no-bright-lights-I-have-a-splitting-headache kind of hang over but the fuzzy-headed-I-think-I-might-puke kind of hangover. The kind that taunts you with the possibility of bringing you to you knees but eventually losses interest in you, and after torturing you like a careless lover, leaves you to rehash the events of your demise alone. That is how I have felt for at least a week.
But do not fear, I am refreshed by my day of solitude. I got a lot done in my house and did some productive shopping therapy. I bought a new CD (Jackie Greene – Just buy it) and have memorized at least ½ of it already. I browsed books at borders, played with my dog, thought about touching up my roots much more seriously than I have at any time since they have needed to be done, organized my kitchen and found a fabulous shower curtain (yes, I did just describe a shower curtain as fabulous) at Target for $3.78. So I’m back. I’m back at work with my internet access and I’m going to Ikea tonight with my sister. After we get back I’m going out for a drink with my boyfriend and his friends. Tomorrow I am heading to my friends house to watch the first season of Gilmore girls from netflix. Did you see the “go to the gym” anywhere in there? Neither did I.