Evil Little Barista's

My good friend and I have been addicted to fancy, surgery coffee since before we were 15. So when we decided to get into shape we made a pact that we would abstain from such drinks on the weekdays. For a while I was stronger than her and had only given into temptation once and it was on a hot day while we walked our dogs. The frappachinos were a necessity. The other day however I cheated; but again, I had a good reason. After staying the night at my parents' house, I awoke to find they had no fruit! NONE! Keeping my wits about me in the face of this tragedy I cut the dog walk short and decided to stop at the Fred Meyer on River Rd. and pick up some Naked Juice or something. When I got there, there were several frightening looking men standing around the doorway. They looked like garbage men or meat packers, and everyone knows how unfriendly meat packers are. So I decided to avoid them and go around to the other door which took me an extra 2 min because I'm was wearing dangerously high stilettos that day. Once I got there I discovered that the Fred Meyer does not open until 7:00 am. Are you kidding me!?! I was mad and frustrated and had to take another 2 min. to get back to my car during which time I though about it. I came to the conclusion that, contrary to popular sentiment, drinking is the answer to all your troubles and since I could not get a hold of a decent Margarita on the rocks to go this early, coffee would make a worthy substitute. Not to mention the drive thru was in the parking lot of the Fred Meyer and it was the only thing open for miles. I at least needed some human contact to comfort me after my ordeal. You will be happy to know that I was already punished for my transgression. When I got there I realized I had gone to one of THOSE coffee shops. You know what I'm talking about. Its the kind of place you want to sue for false advertisement because all of their baristas are young, microscopic girls with shining hair and a naturally cheerful attitude about their pathetic lives. I thought maybe if I gave her a tip she might just hand over the coffee and we would be done with it but no. My $1.36 tip caused an undue amount of gratefulness and now I have apunch card! I don't know how this happened to me but after everything was said and done and I was driving down Meridian towards the office I was so conflicted I almost threw the coffee out the window of the car and then jumped after it. I was mad at my self for getting the stupid double tall soy sugar free 1/2 the syrup vanilla latte in the first place. I will never look like one of the baristas in that place if I keep consuming their product! But the more upset and depressed about the situation I became, the more I needed the silent villain I held in my hand. Oh, the plight of the stress eater!