I need a massage

Have you ever had this conversation with yourself? (because I know you talk to yourself, don’t lie) You are looking at your bank statement and you ask yourself “when do you get paid?” and you say “why?” to which you reply” no reason.” But you know yourself much too well so you say “Did you go out for your friends birthday and use it as an excuse to let go yourself causing the side of you that is way to generous to take over? Are you looking at an over drafted bank account?” You weakly admit that it could have happened that way.
I have no excuse. Sometimes I just do this. I let go and the childish person that lives inside me gets to invite the whole neighborhood over for dinner (or in this case, out to drinks) I think that it is healthy to do every once in a while. I get to know that, without restrictions like not being a billionaire, I would be nice and giving but at the same time, I remind myself that I’m still poor.
I need to relax in smaller portions. I need to go back to my massage therapist. She was awesome and I would get so relaxed. Lying there drooling through a little pillow with a hole for my face, I would feel like I was going to float away and never face the consequences of telling her how it hurt to have sex every single time with my first real boyfriend or how one time on mushrooms I ran smack into a barbed wire fence. She still came to my graduation party even though I had quit coming to see her. I think that all of my over disclosure may have made her feel a responsibility to be my friend. The point is that paying for massage therapy once a week would be more cost effective.
Maybe I will just go out with cash from now on. Leave the plastic at home.