My Battle with Ikea

Yesterday I went shopping for furniture with my sister. We went to Ikea, always a team favorite, so a couple of my friends came with us. Usually I go to Ikea with only some vague Idea of what I want and I end up buying a wardrobe or a bed and trying to cram it into my mother’s station wagon. This time I vowed, would be different. I borrowed my boyfriend’s truck, I shopped online first, and I left my mother at home. That last one is a risky move for several reasons. First, she will usually buy me something while we are there because she can’t let a good deal go. Second, she asked if she could tag along and I told here there would not be enough room. This was not a lie exactly. I really did not have enough room but I could have cleaned out the truck if I tried. Lastly, she is always the driver when we go. It was that last reason that would be the beginning of the end for this trip to Ikea.
We set off in a Mazda truck from the early nineties affectionately named “the teal mobile” because the truck, the canopy, and the rims are all the same, stock teal color. In other words, some misguided victim of the early nineties ordered it that way on purpose and now my boyfriend is paying the price. It was in this vehicle that I proceeded to drive right past the exit to Ikea and not notice until I was in . . . (dramatic pause) BELLEVUE! For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Seattle metropolitan area, Bellevue is about 10 miles north of Renton (where Ikea is) but I rush hour traffic, that is about one-hudred-million-bajillion hours. We eventually made it to Ikea after enlisting the help of a friend who works in the area and took us on surface streets to avoid the Nightmare that is Seattle freeways at rush hour. Score: Us-0 Ikea-1
Once we arrived we were dazed from all the car time. It was hard to focus even with my game plan. The things I needed were not the things I wanted. They did not have the coffee table I wanted in stock. We forgot to measure our windows and had to guess when buying the blinds. In the end I got some armchairs, nightstands and blinds. I had intended to get armchairs, nightstands, blinds, a wall clock, shelves for my room, a bookcase, and a coffee table. Score: Us-3 Ikea-5
I called the boyfriend on my way home. We had plans to go out with his friends to a local bar but my experience at Ikea had left me drained of all energy and a bit on the crabby side. I convinced him that the best course of action was for me to stop and buy a 6-pack and for him to come over and assemble my furniture. Once we get the truck unloaded, I set the boyfriend to work on the nightstands upstairs in my room and as I’m about to go get us some beers from the fridge I hear a chilling scream from the living room. As I round the corner from the stairs to the living room I see my sister has been totally defeated. She is leaning into a large cardboard box and moaning “I have no legs, I have no legs!” One of the 2 matching armchairs had come sans legs. Score: Us-2 Ikea-6
I have learned some valuable lessons from all of this and I am going to share them with you in the hopes that my story will keep others from the same fate. When you are decorating, always bring your mother and never, ever, attempt to plan a shopping trip to any type of warehouse store.