Are you as cool as I am? I doubt it.

It has occurred to me that perhaps I am trying too hard. My sense of self is becoming clouded by all my stuff. I don’t mean stuff as in issues I mean physical crap. In an e-mail the other day a friend and I were discussing the phenomenon that is Ikea/target culture. She said it was like wal-mart for young people. I personally boycott wal-mart and even have a bumper sticker declaring that fact but I have actually done little research as to why I should not shop at Wal-mart and I have never done any about the purchasing or Human Resources practices of Target or Ikea (unless you count the one time in college I considered applying for a seasonal job at target but didn’t because the application was too long and had to be done on a computer in the store). I mean, my trendy, self righteous decision to shun wal-mart may be based on lofty principles in theory but really all that bumper sticker is saying is “I’m NOT white trash. The fact that I drive this shitty old Subaru station wagon is a statement of my environmental sentiments (ie. dedication to reusing products and achieving good fuel economy). It is not an indication of my financial status.” The bumper sticker next to it (which reads “my border collie is smarter than your honor student”) reinforces this attitude by sending the message “I don’t have kids and have instead invested way too much emotional energy into my dog in order to avoid creating new and meaningful human relationships. I paid the money for a purebred and want everyone to know that because I am ultimately insecure about my real worth as a person.” The point is that most of my decisions are based on how best to project this image of myself as a classy, upper middle class, successful woman from a good family with high standards, non-religious based morality, no regard for the wealth I clearly have, and a love of the outdoors that comes with a ferocity in my desire to protect it. But really I know that I am stuck with who I am and everyone I really know, can tell what a farce all this is.
I mean really, this is actually who I am becoming. I actually said the following sentence yesterday “I think it was like fate or something that the coffee table I wanted at Ikea was out of stock because I remembered that they are having a sale at Cost Plus and they have one that is sooo much nicer for only $50.00 more” FATE!?! Am I serious? Who says that? Who puts that much thought into their coffee table? You want to know the worst part? I was primarily excited because I would have something from somewhere other than Ikea or Target and none of my friends would have it.
Do you feel this way? My friend T said “my house is filled to the brim with IKEA and Target things, not to mention to overflow from our families, we have so much shit we need to get rid of, yet we continue to buy more and more to fill our house with . . . so sad this capitalist frenzy we are so entrenched in.” If you think you might be a young, urban, self-righteously hip poser take this quiz and find out.
1. Do you ever stand in line at the grocery store (or better yet, whole foods market or co-op) and wonder what the checkout person will think of the type off food you are buying? Or alternately, are you proud they will see you only bought organic food, or ashamed they will see that you did not?
2. Have you ever been proud to think that your house/apartment looks like a catalogue of any type?
3. Do you drive a car that is completely impractical for your life but sends the right message about who your REALLY are? Or alternately, do you claim that the reason you don’t drive a nice car is because you think Americans are obsessed with cars but if you could afford one, you know in your heart you would buy an Escalade?
4. Did you start drinking lattes instead of plain coffee when “Friends” came on the air and then switch to Yerba Mate after your first session of Bikram Yoga?
5. Do you find yourself liking a band less once 3 people you know have heard of them? Or alternately, have you ever said a band was singed to an “indie label”?
6. Do you post searing criticisms of your life and culture on you blog with no intentions of changing your behavior? (extra points for the inclusion of sarcastic quizzes, extra extra points for snide, self deprecating jabs thinly disguised as quiz questions.)
If you have answered yes to 2 or more of these questions I would say you are, at the very least, dangerously close to being a shallow, consumer driven, hippie-chic, asshole like myself. Congrats! Just make sure you have every song ever used in an iPod commercial and you’re in.