Breakfast breakdown

Since the beginning of time (where “the beginning of time” is defined as long as I can personally remember) I have hated breakfast. First of all breakfast food is either dairy (which us lactose intolerant types should avoid), nasty (as in mainly made up of eggs) or sweet and my blood sugar will get in into all sorts of a jack-knifed-on-the-freeway-semi-truck-style crash if I so much as THINK about having nothing but a bowl of honey-nut-Cheerios or a scone for breakfast. Therefore the only breakfast food I DO like is made of potatoes or bacon (preferably make of potatoes AND bacon with enough cheese to burry modern day London under) and we all know that sensible people attempting to remain somewhat attractive for their incredibly deserving boyfriends should not consume such concoctions. Well, at least not on a regular basis. Therefore, for breakfast every morning I was growing up I had the same thing; a fight with my mother.
Usually I would argue that she did not eat breakfast so I should not have to. She argued that just because I did not see her eat breakfast did not mean she was not eating breakfast latter at work. I found this argument highly doubtful and completely unsatisfying but what can you do? One year in middle school I took to letting my cereal get soggy and nasty for 5 min and then throwing it away when my mother yelled that I would be late for school if I did not get walking. This resulted in me sitting in the back of the car while my mother drove me the 5 or 6 blocks to school choking down soggy cereal and drooling out milky spews of what looked like puke and went down just as easily. These fights dissipated as I grew older and found ways to trick her. I would get out a bowl and out some milk in it. Then I would take some cereal and grind it up leaving some on the table and some in the bowl. Then I would wait for her to tell me I had to clean up my dishes. This worked for a while but I was eventually caught and forced once again to suffer though generic raisin bran and Life cereal. Until my over crowded high school did the best thing ever; they split us into 3 lunches instead of 2.
This put first lunch at 10:30 in the morning and I suddenly had a leg to stand on. I convinced my mother that 10:30 was not at all an unreasonable time to eat breakfast for a member of a family who routinely ate dinner at 8. From then on I would eat my lunch for breakfast at 10:30, a meal sized snack after school around 3 and dinner at 8 thus eliminating breakfast food altogether. I vowed that along with eating entire cans of whipped topping or boxed of dry Fruit Loops as meals, I would cut out breakfast altogether once I was on my own.
College gave me may opportunities and among them was the opportunity to quit with the breakfast already! Unless by breakfast you mean a Bloody Mary with a side of bacon cheese hasbrowns at noon. Life was golden in the breakfast department until I realized that to loose weight one must eat breakfast. Something about “waking up” your metabolism. I do have to say though that I am much more productive when I eat breakfast. I get a lot done! I usually have toast and cottage cheese or yogurt with a large helping of Lactaid on the side which is survivable if you wash it down with some good tea. But this whole realization has made me feel a bit old. Next week’s topic: the many forms of fiber! (just kidding)