Thursday, January 26, 2006

Does anyone have my red chair or a whole bottle of Percocet?

There is a massive remodel project taking over the Planning Department where I work. This project is happening, as all good Land Use projects should, in phases. Right now we are in the phase where we simulate the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan. The buildings may be cubicles and the noise may be more from hammers and drills than from guns and grenades but all in all it is a very convincing war zone around here right now.

This I can live with. I am reasonably sure I can pretend to do the same amount of work I usually pretend to AS LONG AS I CAN FIND MY DESK! Yesterday when I came into work my desk was there. It was in the same place it had always been. Long before I worked here and occupied that spot, the desk was there. Since it has been my desk an increasing number of “temporary walls” have been installed. These walls had two purposes. One was to see if county employees are better or worse than lab rats at getting through mazes. The second was to remind us that we could all lose a few of those post holiday pounds. The most direct route to my desk involved squeezing through a 1.5 ft opening between a temp wall and a cubicle. Many buttons were lost. Most people who had to get to the area went around the whole office (burning more calories) instead of embarrassing themselves by creating a situation where we have to call the fire department.
Fire Department: Tacoma Fire Department
County Employee: Hi, we have someone blocking a fire escape route.
Fire Department: Well have you asked them to move?
County Employee: Its just that. . . They are wedged IN it not just like standing there
Fire Department: Right. . .

But I digress, The temporary walls came down last weekend and suddenly my desk was a very crowded little island in a sea of new low quality carpet. Sure, fine, whatever. That worked until yesterday at around 9 when a young man whose job it is to brake down and put up cubicles informed me that ½ of my cubicle was needed and I was to put everything on one side. Sure, fine, whatever. Then he proceeded to take away ½ of my office and leave me SITTING IN A HALLWAY with no walls. Can we all say “Office Space”?
“If you could just move down to storage room B in the basement that would be great. Thanx”
Between 10 am and 4 pm I was told many tall tales including the one where I get a window. A real WINDOW people! Alas that was not to be the penthouse of cubes went to the engineers because they were willing to share. F-ing engineers. The only thing that was settled when I left yesterday was that I would be moved today. So I packed up all my things and files so I would be ready first thing in the morning but when I got here my desk was gone. My computer was gone. My files were gone. The dollar store glass rooster paperweight I won at the Christmas white elephant was gone. WTF! I mean this is the PLANNING department! Where is the planning people?
I am now sitting at a table with my things in boxes. The cube wall in front of me is falling over. The wall behind me is slated to be painted tonight so nothing can be done within 2 feet of it. There are wires hanging out of missing ceiling tiles to connect me to the network. The question is should I be happy or distraught that I have been told this in not my permanent place? This phase of the remodel is almost done. Lucky for me my new temporary place puts me right tin the middle of the next phase in which we recreate the scene in XXX where the entire drug farm burns down and Vin Diesel rides away on a dirt bike. Or maybe I mean that I try to drown out the crazies with all the wine from a whole wine farm (I know they are called vineyards but isn’t that just a fancy word for wine farm?) and end up burning down the whole office. And now we are back to Office Space. “Excuse me, I can’t find my stapler” or my monitor, or my Thomas Guide, or my sanity. . .

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Recreating any scene from XXX would be a worthwhile enterprise.

How else to alleviate those Office Space blues?

Tacompton-Ass-Tiffany said...

I resent the fact that you used my dilemma to create humor in your otherwise dull post . . . or maybe you were just making up for the fact that I haven't posted in quite some time . . .

Anonymous said...

My name is Monica Stone and i would like to show you my personal experience with Percocet.

I am 35 years old. Have been on Percocet for 7 days now. It did help the pain but the side effects weren't worth it. I'd rather have the pain.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
nausea, very itchy, racing heart, anxiety, flashing lights(almost hallucinogenic?), weird dreams, tiredness

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Monica Stone