Leaving on a Jet Plane

I am going to Hawaii. I will not be entertaining you all for a week. I’m not sure how you will make do but rest assured any survivors of my hiatus will be rewarded with more of my pathetic rambling as soon as I return. In the meantime I suggest these exercises to hold you over . . .

1. Imagine that you have the ability to blink one and only one person in the world from existence. The catch is, they must be alive now and it cannot be anyone you know personally. (You know them personally if they have ever had any phone number of yours) You could pick the guy who bags your groceries or the crazy lady at Nazi Teriyaki (all you North enders know what I’m talking about) You could choose a political leader or the bum who bugs you for change every day. Just respond to this post telling me who and why.

2. Try to sing at least one verse of “Zippity-Do-Dah” with a whole Banana in your mouth. (Tip: breathe through your nose and don’t laugh)

3. Chose one friend or co-worker whom you have known for a long time and suddenly begin calling them by the wrong name. Do this until they correct you. At that point, explain that you think the new name suits them better and they should probably have it changed.

If you are still bored you can try the banana thing again with a different song or you can just think about how much fun I am having in the sun, on the sand, dehydrating myself with drinks that have 10 syllables in their names and come with their own parasols. Just know that I won’t be thinking about you at all. Not even a little.