Work It Good

Yesterday I started a new fitness routine. I know that I did that about a month and a half ago but that one is not working. The old plan was missing something called self motivation. In the new plan, self motivation is replaced with over priced training sessions. That way when I don’t want to go to the gym I think “but I paid for it” and there is nothing like money to motivate me. Also I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of my new trainer. This is funny to me for many reasons.
First, after meeting Trainer (that word will now be used as a proper noun referring to the specific trainer assigned to me) I think that he may have created so much muscle mass that there is not enough room for his brain and he might have had it removed. The man reminds me a bit of my high school boyfriend from sophomore year. He was the captain of the wrestling team and a very nice guy but not the brightest crayon in the box. I mean he spent his free time squeezing and struggling with other guys on large blue mats wearing lace up, rubber bottomed socks mysteriously defined as “shoes” every weekend for the entire 3 months we dated. Like my high school boyfriend, Trainer seems very friendly. He is genuinely happy to help me. He is excited (way more excited than I am) that I want to look more “athletic” although I worry about what this wall of muscle mass might consider athletic looking.
Second, I get the feeling that he already regards me as he would the nice but unattractive sister of his best friend who wants to ride his motorcycle. Oddly, I would be upset if he mistook my renewed interest in my health as interest in him yet I am insulted that his idiotic form of kind professionalism indicates he is in no way attracted to me. I want to be forced to kindly ask his manager if I could have a female trainer. “No, it’s not Trainer’s fault.” I would smile sympathetically like this happened to me all the time. “I would just feel more comfortable with a woman.” But we would all know that Trainer had thrown himself at me. To avoid an unsightly law suit they would give me a free membership for life and transfer Trainer to Arizona.
Third, as much as I value the thimble of knowledge this man has in his head, I doubt that much of what he has to say to me will affect my behavior in any way. I have www.fitday.com and a scale. His role in my life could easily be filled my some type of monetary penalty system. Like, if I don’t go to the gym at least 3 times a week they charge me $50.00. I’m sure this would result in my quitting the gym, not in my going more often but there is always the chance that Trainer will have the same effect on me.
Mostly I just can’t see myself NOT laughing at his serious and sincere face as he tells me “That’s good, just a little more, that’s it. Yes! Yes! Push harder! One More Time! Oh, Awesome! That was Awesome!” I just have one question for him. Was it as good for you as it was for me? I hope not because I’m not paying you to have fun bitch!