Slip-Sliding Away

For his birthday, Boyfriend wanted to go skiing; with me. Even after I explained that his teaching me how to ski was going to be fun in the same way that plucking your pubic hair with rusty, red hot tweezers would be fun, he still wanted to go with me. Before we went to rent skis I had another talk with him, attempting to make him understand what he was really in for. You would think that a sane person would take warning when a conversation begins with “I have had a lot of anger management therapy but there are situations where it has had no affect on my behavior whatsoever.” Still, he wanted to take me to the mountain. I explained to him how we could best avoid breaking up over this. I told him that we would start the day out all excited and happy but about the 3rd time I fell I would tell him I hated skiing. The 5th time I fell I would scream at him that I hated skiing and wanted to go home. I would then need to go to the lodge and drink some hot chocolate flavored Bailey’s before continuing. The retreat would do me some good and the alcohol would do me some better and I would fall down 5 more times before telling Boyfriend that I hated him and making him leave me alone to fall on my ass in peace. I figured that I would then get in two more runs before retreating to the lodge for the rest of the day where I would spend more than the cost of my lift ticket on drinks much stiffer than Bailey’s and hot chocolate. I told him that our relationship would survive only if he left me alone when I told him to and did not come into the lodge attempting to get me back on the slopes. He was still relentless about the idea of going but seemed duly concerned after listening to my predictions.
Upon arriving I was excited. After putting my skis on I was worried. Before I even got on the lifts I was upset and the second time I fell down I cried. In fact, I cried a lot all morning. I yelled a bit, but only about how I hated skiing and I couldn’t do it. I did not release the slew of degrading insults that came to mind every time Boyfriend worriedly gave me much needed pointers. In fact my harshest words were slung unthinkingly at a kind stranger who helped me untangle myself on my third run. When he smilingly asked me if I was going to make it I snapped at him that I had to get down this damn mountain somehow. Sorry Nice Ski Guy, I was having a hard time of it.
After that incident I did send Boyfriend away so that he could have some fun and I could fall down and yell at people I did not have to ride home with. But after 3 runs by myself on the bunny slopes I decided to venture further up the mountain with Boyfriend and the rest of the day was spectacular. I have never had so much fun outside in the cold before. We squeezed in as many runs as we could before closing. He would ride up with me and then take another lift to the top and catch up with me on the way down as I slowly and carefully switch backed down the mountain.
I want to go again. I would go right now if I had money and did not have to work and wasn’t so sore that THINKING about moving is excruciatingly painful. I might use my long weekend to go, maybe twice. Now excuse me while I reapply the icy-hot to my entire body.