Sometime after my last job went down in a fiery ball feeling betrayed by people I thought were my friends, I took a moment to think about how I contributed to that whole situation. Certainly there was a whole lot of crying and upset first and I would have been beyond repair were it not for the support of, well, my support system of family and true friends. But after the pain had subsided and I quit lulling myself to sleep with plans for elaborate revenge plots, I was able to find some time for self reflection and I realized that I had not been discriminating enough in my choice of friends when I had decided to befriend these people. Their actions were, at their root, predicable and I should have seen it coming.
There is a culture of negativity in many offices, especially offices full of women. The women in my last office were a prime example. The primary mode of conversation was complaining. They would complain about how little time they had or how their boyfriend’s ex-wife was annoying or their kids were too messy, their husband too lazy and their neighbors too loud. If someone brought in doughnuts it was an assault on their diet.
I decided that I would not participate in this at my new job. To take it a step further, I would not socialize with those people who do. This has been hard. The first person I became friendly with seemed to have the “complaining” affliction pretty badly. I had to stop our lunchtime walks because of it.
My guess is that there are others like me who would rather focus on things that are going right or at least improving. What is it about placing women in cubicles that turns them into little whining machines? This seems to apply much more prevalently to women than to men. Is it the office culture of America in general or is this just a government thing?
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2 comments:
"What is it about placing women in cubicles that turns them into little whining machines?"
EXCELLENT. I couldn't have said it better myself. It totally does--but only in certain environments. It's so odd. My mother's work is really susceptible to it. Sometimes she manages to avoid it, sometimes not. Having an almost all-male work environment is a benefit in this area, I guess, but the few women who do pal around together complain almost non-stop! WHY?
Avoiding complainers can be good, but it is still a kind of complaint vis-a-vis, "complainers bring me down and I will avoid them." More better is to leave it at, "I decided that I would not participate in this." A wise rabbi once said, "let your light shine in the darkness" among the complainers.
Regarding females talking to each other about problems, isn't this one route to bonding as sisters?
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