Routine Spastic Behavior

Yesterday before I had even managed struggle my way out of the “I hate you world/sunlight/any-person-talking-to-me” haze that is a weekday morning, my roommate called me to say that my dog had not only puked up his food but had also puked up a nasty (and quite possibly corrosive) water-grass-bile concoction about 6 TIMES! In a panic I called the vet.
Vet Office: North End Pet Hospital.
Me: Hi, I need an appointment; my dog has thrown up 6 times and canÂ’t keep any food down, for the love of God SAVE HIM!
Vet Office: My! That does sound severe! Unfortunately we have no more appointments today.
Me: You have no appointments all day!?!
Vet Office: No I am sorry. All the doctors are out right now and wonÂ’t be back until 2 and we are closing early today for an all office training at 5, so you see, all the available appointments are already taken.
It is at this point that I consider pulling a John Q* on their asses. Then I realize I donÂ’t have a gun and it might just be the case that there are other pet hospitals on the Tacoma metro area that DO have appointments. Still I donÂ’t want to change vets at such an emotionally stressful time even if right now I HATE THEM ALL and want them die painfully in publicly embarrassing situations. This is the vetÂ’s office I go to. I am a creature of habit and stuck in my ways and DAMN IT ALL why canÂ’t these people understand this!?!
While this back and forth tirade rages on in my head and I mumble and moan submissively on the telephone, the pet-nurse-phone-answering-lady tells me I can bring him in and leave him all day and they will try to get to him in between appointments if they can. “GOOD, GREAT, We will be right there!” I say hanging up before she can change her mind.
In the end they did see Taj. They saw that he was fine. They saw that he had eaten an unidentified amount of used feminine products. They charged me for an appointment and a “ward” fee.
The moral of the story? In todayÂ’s over violent society it is quite likely that you are brainwashed into seeing violence as the answer. Violence is not the answer, doors are. Shutting doors, keeping your dog out of the garbage and closing yourself and your loved ones off to the world will create an entirely controllable situation, And that, my IIFÂ’s is all you really need out of life. 100% control. All the time. No matter what. Come to think of it, a gun might help with that. Maybe I will get one after all. Do they make them with interchangeable faceplates? Because I had a phone like that once and that was fun.
* You know you saw this movie and cried the whole time. If you did not then you are either a heartless bastard who obviously hates children or you were really really stoned. I am going to go with really really stoned because I don't want to have to hate you.