Monday, March 13, 2006

Note to psychotic English majors (Jacob) and the like– please ignore the erratic tense changes in this post.

Today was a day of important decisions. Today I decided to do something entirely insane. Well actually it is a bundle of insane things and when you put them all together they make up a whole colony of insane things. A thriving colony that will doubtless grow and spread till it covers my life and suffocates any trace of reality I may have been clinging to. First I decided to attempt to summit Mt. Rainer again. With the same wonderful team (who miraculously does not hate me for ruining out chances last year) but with the better snow of this year. That is step one of how to build your very own crazy nest.
Next you decide to quit smoking because you need better lung capacity for this endeavor. It shouldn’t be all that hard because I only smoke a few cigarettes a day anyway. Not to mention I have quit before. I have quit many times. I’m rather good at it.
Step three begins when you realize that quitting smoking usually results in weight gain. Therefore you decide to go on a SERIOUS diet to nip that in the bud. So you plan out meals and check calorie totals from several sources to remain in your daily target. Then you create weekly shopping lists from you menus.
Then you realize the last time Mt Rainer kicked your worthless ass off its back, laughing at your puny attempt to conquer it, it did so because you were running a serous calorie deficit. Therefore I can only diet for 2 months before I have to start carbo-loading for my climb. I. Am. Crazy.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The tense changes don't bother me so much as your substituting "out" for "our."

Otherwise good luck with Ranier.

Slimfast shakes and a good selection of microwave dinners should help with your diet plan. Just be sure to eat lean protein (mostly fish, but only four times a week since any more would be like eating a rectal thermometer), complex carbs (you should kick white sugar and white flour from your diet entirely anyway), and basically kick don't stress if you can't stick to it. Don't even stress if you can't quit smoking cold turkey--which I think is the most difficult approach. Stress is just awful for your health.