Evil Elves: In which I reveal (in real numbers) my weight loss goals.

I have this tendency to take some tiny tidbit of information and latch on to it, repeating it out of context and distorting its message and requiring myself to adhere to its now ridiculous ramifications whatever those may be.
Case in point: I read once that women who have larger weight loss goals are more successful in their weight loss endeavors, where success is measured in pounds lost.
The logical explanation for this is that women who are trying to lose 100 or even just 50 lbs generally have more weight to lose and everyone knows that the more weight you have to lose, the faster it comes off in the beginning so even if you did give up at the 3 month mark (which is usually where I lose it and order a double cheeseburger with a side of everything else to go) you will still have lost more weight than a person trying to lose 10 lbs who sticks to it and meets their goal.
However, my twisted mind has decided that this statement actually means I will lose weight much better and faster if I set some pie in the sky “I used to weight this in high school” type goal. So now my ticker on SparkPeople says 118. It says 118 not because I think I should weigh 118. It says 118 not because I can really even plan on or conceive of weighing 118. In fact my real goal in my heart and soul and mind is 127. But somehow, my superstitious, overly optimistic and blindly emotional side INSISTS that having changed the number on my very public ticker will somehow shift the favor of the fates in my direction and pounds will melt off my frame. Why? Because I now have an unattainable goal and the evil little elves of hell that sit around making it their business to ensure that I never. ever. ever. get anything I want will think that I won’t be happy until I get to 118. Therefore they will let me get to 127 without even worrying their evil little heads about it and I will win and that, my friends, is how the universe works. Yes it is.


Disclaimer: Reaching my real goal of 127 requires me to lose less than 10 lbs and my doctor has advised me at a healthy weight range for me would be 116-140. So yes, this is a vanity diet and no, I am not going to starve myself and end up a crak-head-esque waif. Besides, we recently established at a holiday party that I am much shorter than we previously believed and if I have to be short at least I can be skinny.