2 inches

It will be no news to some of you that my height has been called into question as of late. At a holiday party this December I compared my height to some of my friends who have always been sorter than me and realized that we are the same height.
This is disturbing for many reasons. The first and most obvious reason is that I am shrinking. You would be upset if you were shrinking too. In fact, you might be even more upset than I am since I know that it is happening because of my scoliosis. Which brings us to the second reason it is upsetting; it means my scoliosis is getting worse. One might think that that is the extent of my reasons to be upset. That person would be wrong.
I am actually most upset because I am now not a tall girl.
There was a time in my life, when I was 5’7 ¾”. I was almost as tall as my “little” sister. In fact, my massage therapist said I would be taller than her if my back were completely normal. That time was early 2004, I was 22 and I will now refer to that period of my life as the “height” of it even though that will confuse people.
Some months latter, when I came home from Europe I had lost that ¾” and I reluctantly put 5’7” on my driver’s license when I renewed it. Since massage therapy had given me almost an inch, I figured that my compressed spine left me at this height. Sad, but that was that.
Fast forward a few years to last month when I realized for the first time that my back has compressed even further. So now I am going to the chiropractor and having them measure my height at the doctor’s office. Yesterday the nurse pushed me up against the wall and said “we will call it 5’6”. I was going to protest because I had recently be told at another office that I was 5’6 ¼” and, damn it I want that extra ¼ but before I could even protest she continued with “you are almost there so we will just give it to you.” Almost there!?!
Honestly the biggest issue for me is feeling small. It permeates into other areas of my life. My husband has noticed I have begun talking even louder than normal and normally I am a loud talker. I have quit wearing high heals because I don’t want people to think I am trying to look taller. I don’t want people to know that my newly discovered shortness bothers me so much. This discovery has bloomed into an identity crisis as if those 2 inches I lost held all the confidence and individuality of me.