I want to blame my complete lack of posts for over a year on something but the truth is that I have been doing a whole lot of things and none of them happened to be writing my blog.
My recent accomplishment is getting my Yoga Teacher Certification. I cannot even explain to you how much this has changed my world. Not only do I have a great group of new friends and a new way to have fun while making a little cash but I have a changed perspective on a great many things. I feel so different but I do not feel changed. It is a though I have become more fundamentally aware of my self. More than ever, I feel completely comfortable being me. There are so many aspects of who I am that once seemed disparate. These unlikely partners are what make us unique. I believe that God gave me all these parts of myself for a reason. That reason may still be a mystery to me but it is one I am relishing uncovering. Very few people in the world are given the luxury of self discovery. My time is not taken up with the fulfillment of my most basic needs. I do get to ponder my true nature and the map of the universe and the grace of God’s work.
One of the best things I learned in Yoga Teacher Training was to be grateful that I have had the ability to change my mind and explore my world and find myself; all of those terribly cliché things that people ridicule when they are too afraid to do them for themselves.
I have not yet found a person whom I believe to by my spiritual teacher but I have found a few spiritual leaders I respect. As I often do, I have pieced together my own understanding of things from these various sources. Swami told me that we are only here to grow. He said that we are not separate from God, that we are each a part of the same whole and that whole is love. At Church, our junior pastor reminded me that God gave us both free will and second chances. Our Bishop reminded me that life is not about dropping the ball but about picking it back up. Our church tells me that I can search for God through reason; that I can find him in myself.
I believe all of these things. I believe that we are here to grow. I know that I grow by making mistakes and using my second chances to pick the ball up again. I believe we can only do this by the grace of God; that we have that grace because God is in us. We are only separated from God when we turn away from him; when we refuse to grow.
This is human nature.
We are here to struggle with God and our own humanity.
I intend to do that with intention and vigor.